If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
