What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
