This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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