wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
