At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
