I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
