I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
