I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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