I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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