Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
