My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
