Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
50% drunk capacity currently
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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