I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
