tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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