Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
