I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
