I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
