I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
