So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
