Yo dont text me then not text me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
