I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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