70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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