Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
