Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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