Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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