Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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