My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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