If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
