I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
