too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
