come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Never joke about your clitoris.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
