I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
