so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
