Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My bed smells like the plague
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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