I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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