he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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