i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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