I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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