You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
