Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
