note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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