I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
