you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
