Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
