He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
