Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
