I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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