my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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