I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
