I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
