I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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