I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
