ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
