Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
