I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
