I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
