I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
