Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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