Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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