how can u be prego again
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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