I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
