I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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