He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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