she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
