I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize