she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
